Semper fidelis part 5
Nov. 5th, 2008 09:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scarlettdreamAnd the final part
Everything was extra grey this morning, his hair, his skin, the way his life looked. And while it didn't come as such a shock any more when he caught a glimpse, some mornings the weight of years was just heavier. He couldn't understand what DiNozzo had been doing in his basement instead of being with Jeanne, but he knew he'd have it figured out soon. Whatever it was that drew him here it would only be something temporary, Tony would be gone soon and he'd be alone again.
“Before, you said I'd make up with Jeanne. Why would you ever imagine she could forgive me?”
Gibbs hadn't heard Tony approach, so his deep, quiet voice speaking from the doorway came as a surprise.
“Because you're in love with her.” Gibbs was studying Tony in the mirror but he had no idea what the expressions that passed across his face meant. “Because she's in love with you.” He splashed a final cascade of water across his face hoping it would at least wake up his brain up enough not to screw this up too badly, but the words were bitter to him even though he knew he had to do this. “All the usual reasons, Tony.”
“I never knew.”
“What's that?”
“That you still believed in all that.”
Gibbs dried his face and turned to face Tony.
“You're in love, I believe that. You've been miserable since you broke up with her. Just tell her. Show her. Make a grand gesture. Do something romantic ... Hell, I'm the last person you should have come to for this kind of advice.” Gibbs brushed past him and walked into the kitchen. He knew if he didn't get some coffee inside himself soon things might get really ugly.
“Love conquers all. Grand romantic gestures. You actuallybelieve in all that?” Tony had followed him in.
Gibbs finally got a cup of coffee poured and drank it half down straight off. He got the lid off the Tylenol and swallowed two with more coffee before he replied. “I'm a man who builds impossible boats in his basement. You figure it out.”
“Yeah, stupid I guess, not seeing that.”
“So?”
“You got a cup of that to spare?”
“Help yourself, DiNozzo.” Gibbs opened a cabinet and set a second mug on the work surface by the coffee machine.
Tony poured himself a cup then grabbed the sugar Gibbs had just retrieved from the cupboard and poured enough in his cup to drown out the taste of the coffee.
“Can you even taste the coffee?” Somehow after all these years Gibbs was still affronted by Tony's coffee habits.
Tony took a tentative mouthful and then smiled a little, relieved. “No.”
Gibbs mumbled something into his mug as he drank the rest of its contents down and refilled it again. Tony just stood there watching him.
“So.”
“So?”
“So why are you here Tony?”
As he began to speak Tony looked away fixed his eyes firmly on the dark liquid in his mug. “There's something I need to tell you.”
“Well if you think it will help. ” Gibbs spread his arms wide, inviting Tony to begin.
“I don't love Jeanne Benoit. I made her fall in love with me. It was deliberate, it was part of the cover that Jenny ... er ... The Director suggested. But I was the one who made it work..”
“So why say what you did last night to Ziva?”
“I was ashamed. I am ashamed. I've never done anything like that before.”
“You've been undercover.”
“Not like this. It was always bad guys, and it's okay to lie to bad guys. But Jeanne isn't a criminal or a terrorist, she hasn't done anything wrong.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“And I really screwed up. I mean, I didn't love her, I knew going in that I had to seduce her, so I worked really hard to make sure she fell for me. And it worked, unbelievably well. And I had this plan, all these things that a superperfect boyfriend would do. The Director was telling me what to do so you know it worked, completely. And all the time I'm watching myself doing this stuff, and it should be really meaningful, it's tender. Things I've never done before with anyone. Ever. But I'm there in the back of my head watching, and I don't feel anything, not at first. But then the situation takes over, things happen, we share moments, life happens, and I get caught up, and then I do feel something, for her I mean. Becuase she's this totally gorgeous person, and I'm talking about inside, not just her looks, but her heart, you know? So you'd have to be dead not to feel something.”
Tony is staring at him and Gibbs understands, Tony needs him to hear this, but it’s hard for him, listening to Tony describe how he fell in love with Jeanne.
“Then, suddenly everything becomes more intense. I let myself get carried away by it. And there‘s this moment. It’s the perfect moment and if I can’t say it to her then, well maybe I’ll never be able to say it to anyone, ever. So I tell her I love her. And when I'm saying it I mean it, I really do, but it's not real love, it's like 'movie love'. You believe it while it's happening there in front of you, but then when you get home from the theatre you realise it was all just smoke and mirrors. It’s Tony Curtis kissing Marilyn, in real life they hate each other. And I can't believe it. I can't believe I'm doing this to someone. I'm fucking with them, and I'm into it, so totally into it that I believe it's real. But at the same time part of me is ice cold. Because it doesn't matter what I'm saying. It doesn’t matter what I'm doing because I'm using her and it's all meaningless. All a lie. And it freaks me out. Really, really freaks me out.”
Tony stopped, freezing up completely then he glanced at Gibbs and looked away again, with a grimace. “I'm freaking out now, aren't I Boss?”
“Yeah a little.”
“Maybe if you hit me in the head it would help?”
“I don't think I can do that any more, sorry.”
"Wow!” Tony seemed completely undone by what Gibbs had just said. “I keep on thinking I've got you figured out Boss. Then I realise I just don't have a clue any more.”
“Oh I think you know me pretty well, Tony.”
“See there, right there, you did it again.”
“Did what, DiNozzo?”
“It's like you're the Gibbs we all know. You don't say much, but when you do its kinda pithy. You cut through all the BS 'cos you don't have time. You don't worry so much who you have to stomp on to get to the truth. But then, suddenly you say something else, you're acting kinda different and it's like you're another person. Like there's this whole different Gibbs, and I don't know him at all.”
“I don't know.” Gibbs struggled to find the right words for what had happened to him. He knew what Tony had said was true, but it was all so recent for him, realising how much he had changed, understanding he really didn't want to go back to who he'd been before. He didn't have the words to explain it, not without sounding like some kind of idiot. And definitely not without giving away just how deep some of his new feelings were. Because DiNozzo was far too smart not to pick up on it. “I try not to do that. ”
“But see that's just it, Boss. Why would you do that?”
“When I came back. You were all so damned tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for me to go into meltdown or be weird or whatever it was you thought I'd do. So I tried to be like before. But it didn't work, I forgot too much. Or maybe I let myself remember too much. Ah Hell, Tony. I hate this.” Gibbs just wanted this conversation to be over. He drank some more coffee and poured himself a third mug. At least his brain was firing on more cylinders now thanks to the caffeine.
“Yeah I get that, but then it makes me want to ask, which is the real Gibbs?”
“It's not like that.”
“No?”
“No!.”
“Okay, but which one is the default?”
“Say what?”
Tony laughed. “See that isn't really you is it? You do that because you like to tweak Abby and McGee. You like to make out you don't understand the tech talk, but you do. And I would have picked up on it sooner ...”
“Are you going somewhere with this?”
“Yes, I think so. I hope so.” Tony still looked uncomfortable, and he was beginning to make Gibbs tense. So he grabbed Tony's mug and topped it off with coffee then set it down on the kitchen table, set the sugar down next to it, and sat himself down at the table, using his foot to push out the chair opposite. “Why don't you sit down, DiNozzo. You're making my head ache worse standing there like the bridegroom at a shotgun wedding.”
“Ha! Yeah, good one, Boss.” But Tony stood there like he was transfixed, until Gibbs stared at him hard and nodded towards the waiting chair, then the younger man finally got the message and sat down with a heavy sigh.
“Just say your piece, Tony, I won't get mad.”
“Yeah, that's what you say now.”
“You know I'm not a patient man, so why don't you get on with what you got to say. This is more along the lines of a confession than an interrogation, isn't it?”
Tony fiddled with his mug, poured in more sugar, stirred it up a little, but then he seemed to run out of tactics to delay himself. When he spoke his voice was quiet and low, but there was no hesitation once he started, clearly he'd made up his mind.
“When I first joined your team, you scared me, Boss, pretty much twenty four seven. Sure, I thought it would be an experience, working for a cool military agency, but I was never one of those kids who wanted to be a soldier. I mean, the closest I'd come to it was that Civil War crap my dad went in for, or when The Charles Theatre in Baltimore showed an all-nighter featuring Heartbreak Ridge, Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, and Platoon. I imagined I'd move on after a couple of years with NCIS, like I'd done before. I hadn't planned to stay. Then everything changed.”
Tony paused and thought for a moment. Clearly remembering the day his world had changed. "The world changed for everyone I guess, that day, and I've never really put this into words before, but after I knew this was the place I belonged. A place I could really do something, where I could make a difference. I mean, that‘s why we‘re here isn‘t it? To try and stop the bombers, to stop the hijackers from flying more planes into buildings, to make sure it never happens again? It's what I'd been looking for all along.
“And you taught me things I didn't know I needed. I was a good cop before, but I never fit in. I was always too college educated, or too flashy, or too east coast, or too Italian or not Italian enough, just you know ... I never had someone to show me how to belong somewhere before you. No one ever took the time. So I'd watch what you did, and try to do the same. And I just didn't think about all the times you'd do something that just didn't fit in with who I thought Gibbs was.”
Tony stopped for another moment, running his hands through his hair like it was the source of all his discomfort. “See, you can be a pretty mysterious guy at times. And you have all these rules. You keep everyone off balance, you get obsessive, and that can be bad, sometimes, and you're so damn angry it scares everyone. But then this switch gets throw. Like whenever you're with Abby. It seems like she has the key to who you are. Or if someone gets hurt, or if you have a kid to deal with, then you're just totally different. So in my head, to make sense of it, I'd write them off as just a Gibbs thing. Like a weird quirk, just stuff that made you Gibbs, what Abby calls your magic. But after you went away, I had plenty of time to think, and I had to wonder... maybe we'd all been wrong about you.”
Gibbs couldn't keep quiet any longer, it was painful to listen to, and he wanted it to end. “I'm not so hard to figure out, Tony, I was a Marine and now I'm not, but I still remember what it's like. I do whatever needs doing to get the job done. ”
“But what happens after the job is done?”
“Nothing happens. I work on my boat, wait for the next job.”
“Don't you want more?”
“I don't think what I want really comes into it. I got enough figured out in Mexico to realise I do better when I keep it simple. And nothing that's happened since has changed my mind. ”
“And what, that's it? End of story. You go to work or you're here, working on your boat, and that's the rest of your life?”
“There are worse things, DiNozzo.”
“Well of course there are.”
“So. Glad we got that sorted out. I appreciate the concern, Tony, and I understand my social calender seems a little empty compared to some, but it's my life, so can we just be done with this?”
“No. God, no we are so not done with this, I just ...”
“Maybe I didn't explain this very well. We are done with this. Get off it now, DiNozzo!” Gibbs tried to keep the bark out of his voice, but he 'd reached his tolerance for painful self discovery. Hearing pity in Tony's voice, listening to him dissect the bleak prospect of his life was more than he could stomach.
“You said you wouldn't get angry, Boss.”
“Well I guess I was wrong about that. It isn't the first time. It sure as hell won't be the last.”
Gibbs stared hard at his rapidly cooling coffee, but when the younger man didn't respond at all to his last remark he had to give in and look up, just briefly, to gage his reaction. Tony was staring at him. He didn't seem angry, or annoyed, or upset. Rather there was an almost peaceful look on his face, an almost smile on his lips, and a spark of amused tolerance in his eyes. And that was when Gibbs understood, what it was that Tony was intending to say, and he knew that when it came right down to it, it was something that should never be allowed to become real between them. But before he could think of something to say that would push him away, Tony spoke again.
“I guess it's a little early in the day for soul searching, eh, Boss? Especially on an empty stomach. Do you even have food in the house?”
It was such a non sequitur that Gibbs answered without thinking. “Of course I have food.”
“I bet you used to make breakfast for Mike Franks in Mexico.”
“What are you getting at?”
“What did you make?”
“I don't see ...”
“Oh wait, I know this, you'd make Huevos Rancheros wouldn't you?”
“DiNozzo ...”
Tony sat back with a big obnoxious smile on his face, but there was good humour in his eyes. “Well go on then, Boss, make us some Huevos Rancheros.”
And the strangest thing happened, Gibbs found he'd gotten up and headed for the fridge before he even realised what he was going to do, and once he was there he knew he'd look incredibly foolish if he didn't just get on and do something. He did have all the fixings for eggs the way he like them, and now the Tylenol had kicked in he realised he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast the previous day and he was starving. So he chopped and he stirred, he fried the eggs and layered up two plates with warm tortillas and salsa, fried eggs, and a little grated cheese. It wasn't anything like as good as they'd serve in the Rosa's Cantina, but it wasn't bad either.
When he put the food in front of Tony it was greeted with a small smile. “Thanks, Boss.”
Gibbs filled the coffee mugs again and then sat down to eat. He splashed some extra hot chilli sauce on his food, he'd grown to like it much hotter since his stay in Mexico, then he dug in. He'd eaten about half his meal before Tony spoke again. “You come from a big family, Boss?”
“No, why?” He hadn't looked up, or paused his eating to answer, but when there was no reply from the younger man he did look up."What, DiNozzo?”
Tony looked like he was trying not to laugh, but he covered it. "Nothing, Boss.”
Gibbs raised an eyebrow, waiting,
“It's just you eat like you think someone is about to steal your plate away, I thought perhaps you had some brothers or something." Tony smiled but Gibbs carried on staring until the younger man dropped his eyes to his plate again. "This is good.” Tony waved his fork to indicate the food, then he bent his head back to his own plate. They didn't speak again until both their plates were empty.
Tony sat back with a satisfied sigh. “Sometimes I wish I smoked.”
“No you don't, Tony.”
“Yeah I do, just for a second or two, after a really great meal, or after... uh... other great things.”
“DiNozzo, believe me, be glad you never smoked, it's a really hard habit to break.”
“You smoked?”
“Yes.”
“That's kind of weird to know. How come you gave up?”
“I had to. When Shannon was pregnant the smell of cigarette smoke made her very sick.”
“That's the first time I've ever heard you say her name. How come you never said anything before?”
“Too hard I guess. Too complicated. Mike never said a word about it when I joined the Agency. It never went down in my personnel file.”
“So you just sort of tried to forget?”
“No, DiNozzo, I never forgot. But I had reason to be careful of what I said.”
“A reason?”
Gibbs didn't answer, didn't even look up to meet Tony's inquisitive gaze. He just got up and cleared the plates and mugs into the dishwasher. When he spoke again his back was turned as he cleaned down the worktop. “You're a smart guy, Tony. I'm sure you'll figure it out.” Then he left the kitchen and slowly made his way upstairs. It was the closest he'd ever come to saying it out loud, that he'd killed the man who had murdered his family. Mike had known. It was a thing understood between them from the moment Gibbs had approached him and Franks had made sure he left him alone with the file long enough to copy down the address in Mexico that he needed. And they had both made their peace with it.
But Tony was different, he came from a different world. He had only ever been a cop and he had a lot of respect for the law. He might bend the rules, even break a few but he was pretty sure DiNozzo would draw his line a long long way back from killing someone in cold blood. And even now that Tony had been in the Agency long enough to understand that some missions were about prevention, and sometimes that meant extreme force was sanctioned - Hell, he'd happily worked with Ziva and they all knew what she was trained to do - Gibbs was still certain that once Tony worked out what he'd meant then it would stop him in his tracks. Wherever DiNozzo thought this strange morning had been leading, this would put an impenetrable barrier between them.
Gibbs was absolutely cold, he felt it descend on him as he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. All the things he'd imagined were gone now, out of reach. They might have been completely unrealistic, impossibly unattainable, and he might have already accepted they were never going to happen, but until he actually killed it dead, that tiny spark, the possibility of what might be, had been warmth enough to make living alone bearable.
Truthfully, Gibbs hated to be alone. He craved companionship. He had only grown into his solitary habits as a way to escape, as a way to avoid pain, as a way to live with the bad choices he'd made in his life.
The first boat in the basement had been a fun thing for the whole family. He was making it for Kelly to learn to sail in, and she would help him with it. Shannon would always be up and down the stairs with questions, with a beer, with a kiss. And when it was time to finish for the night, she'd make him come up into the house. But after they were gone, finishing that boat in the quiet house had been a labour of love and a physical embodiment of the daughter he'd lost. Then, when he was done, he'd given it away to a local school. It had seemed fitting his basement should be as empty as the rest of his life.
He'd started the second boat about a month after he and Elaine were married. He'd know that early that the marriage was a mistake, but he figured he'd ride it out, and when he couldn't he'd bury himself in the basement. That pretty much set the pattern. In the end, he'd come to realise the sounds of tools on wood, the radio or the tv on quiet in the corner, and the occasional glass of bourbon was a kind of companionship too. Sometimes a sanctuary, sometimes a confessional, sometimes a pennence, but at least he always knew where he was with the wood and the tools. Sometimes he'd even judged his friends and his lovers by how well they fit in that environment.
Gibbs had skated around the idea of Tony for a long time if he was honest. It wasn't the first time he'd found another man attractive, but it was the first time he'd looked at someone he knew he couldn't have. First there was the fact they worked together, because sooner or later that always turned ugly in his experience. Plus, Tony so painfully hero worshipped him, and that kind of inequality was nothing he'd want in a relationship. Tony was straight too, repeatedly and exclusively it would seem. And then there had been the timing. Either Gibbs or Tony had been involved with someone, or all hell had broken loose at work, a serial killer, FBI on their backs, Ari literally gunning for them, and, in the end, Kate's death. The time was never right, but still Tony had been there, in Gibbs mind, a damn fine colleague and a friend. Gibbs had been happy to settle for that.
Then, after the coma, he was different. His Doctor was right, he'd changed in a fundamental way. He was somehow more resilient, he'd lost the hard shell that had grown round him, and it made him want to be as close to someone as he had been with Shannon. He noticed Tony was different too. If the coma had somehow stripped away time from Gibbs, his absence had added years to DiNozzo, and they seemed more like equals.
But again timing was everything. Tony was deep in the undercover job Jenny had given him while Gibbs met Hollis, and the undeniable attraction he felt had been easy to act on. It had take him a while to realise it was just more of the same, another woman who was essentially a pale copy of his dead wife. So after the initial sparks had been quenched there really hadn't been any substance and they had both backed away from the other as quickly as they could.
Then finally, after all they had been through, he believed a circle had been closed and he and Tony were in the same place at the same time. But when it came right down to it, when he'd got the message that Tony might actually be about to say something that would move them beyond a friendship and into something deeper, he'd backed away.
Maybe because there was always going to be something else that could come between them. Jeanne, or some other beautiful woman would catch DiNozzo's eye. Work was always going to fuck with them on one level or another. Gibbs knew he was always going to feel he didn't have much to offer Tony in any relationship they might have.
Even more, he knew once he crossed the line with Tony there would be no way back. When it ended, everything would end, the friendship and the job. Because the thing was, he knew it would end eventually. There were things he'd done, there were things he'd likely have to do again, and Tony was never going to understand. They both had a strong sense of right and wrong, but ultimately they were divided by it too.
Gibbs was trained to trust his own instincts, to see things in terms of absolutes. And more than that, he'd been trained to kill. So when his country had asked he had killed, and when his conscience or his code of honor made anything else impossible he had killed then too, and never regretted it. He'd known, each time, it was for the greater good.
He knew that Tony understood this on some level. DiNozzo knew about duty, he understood about defending the weak, about backing up your brothers and sisters in arms, all the things a good cop would do. But he also believed that Tony would never take the step beyond that, the one Gibbs had taken.
He knew too that he would never have gone beyond being a Marine sniper if Shannon had been alive, if he'd still had Kelly. He would have gladly done what he was trained for in combat, but he would never have undertaken the kind of Black Ops he'd been involved with later. Some of the missions he'd been on with Jenny. Others that no one in the Agency except his old boss knew about. When it came down to it, he knew he needed to protect Tony from those things he'd done, because it made him someone who could only ever be bad for Tony.
So he'd stepped away again, hopefully for good. He wished he'd be able to keep Tony as his friend, but in the end he knew he was weak in this one regard. If they remained too close he'd give in and make a play for the younger man, and then one day in the future he'd hurt him and prove what a bastard he was, or some business he thought was finished would turn out not to be and Tony would be caught in the middle of it and get hurt, or worse. He just wished he didn't feel so incredibly alone. He just wished that doing the right thing didn't have to hurt like a son of a bitch.
Gibbs had been on automatic pilot while his mind was occupied with these dark thoughts. He'd turned on the shower, he'd stripped quickly out of his sweat shirt and shorts and he was under the hot spray washing with a kind of ruthless efficiency before his mind even registered the blast of cold air that signified his bathroom door had opened.
“You know, I never understood until now how come all your wives brained you so regularly.”
“Get out of here, DiNozzo!”
Tony laughed, but it wasn't a very happy sound. “That won't work on me any more. And just so you know, if you keep this up, I've brought a skillet with me from the kitchen and I'm not afraid to use it on your head.”
“I'm in the shower for Christ sake.”
Tony stood close to the curtain but he didn't open it. “Nothing I haven't seen before. It doesn't bother me.”
Gibbs was busy trying to rinse off, he must have got soap in his eyes from the way they were stinging. “It bothers me.”
Tony sighed. “Yeah, well, get used to it.”
Gibbs had finally washed off the soap, and he stood there for a few seconds, letting the hot water rain down on him. The thought crossed his mind that he'd just stay in the shower forever, that he'd rather wait Tony out, that he'd never leave. But he'd faced down too many things in his life really to be able to back away from this now, so he grabbed the edge of the curtain and pulled it back.
“Here use this.” Tony already had a towelling robe spread out so Gibbs stepped straight into it.
He had spent too many years living with a bunch of Marines in close quarters to actually have any kind of modesty about his body, but Gibs was glad Tony had given him the option to cover up straight away. He figured the days when the sight of him naked would be anything more than a curious catalogue of past injuries were long gone.
“Mind if I grab a quick shower too? Maybe you could find me something clean to change into?”
Gibbs felt like he couldn't keep up with where Tony was going with all this. He wanted to argue, to throw the younger man out, but somehow he held his anger and his pain and his need to be alone in check. He just nodded and left the water running while he went off to find something for DiNozzo to wear. He was back a few minutes later with some clothes. He put them on the closed lid of the toilet and he was turning to leave when Tony spoke above the noise of the shower.
“We're not done with this, just so you know. But I have to get out of these clothes, I've been wearing them for twenty four hours and I couldn't stand it any longer. We need to talk though, so don't go running off, Jethro.”
Gibbs could see him, through the curtain, just a skin tone and the darker places where there was hair, but very little detail. He was completely still, waiting to hear any reaction there might be to his words. Gibbs forced some bite into his voice as he replied, “It's my house, DiNozzo, I'm not going anywhere.”
“As long as we're clear that I've still got that skillet and I know how to use it.”
Tony tried to make it light, and Gibbs appreciated the effort but there was something in his voice that he couldn't place and it gave the words an edge. He didn't know what Tony meant by using his given name, it was some thing he had actively discouraged and DiNozzo had always complied up until now.
Gibbs dressed himself quickly and he went downstairs. He ground more coffee and put it in the machine. He purposefully did not listen out to hear what DiNozzo was doing, he tried not to think at all about the fact that Tony was naked and wet in the bathroom upstairs. He just collected the Saturday paper from the front porch where the paper-boy had thrown it, and then took another cup of coffee and sat out back with the paper spread out in front of him on the picnic table. He even turned the page occasionally as if he was actually reading.
Tony had been watching him for a while, but Gibbs kept up the façade of reading the paper, a kind of blank curiosity masking his face. He'd hidden a lot over the years behind that particular expression. Finally Tony strolled across to the table and leaned over Gibbs shoulder to look at the full page spread.
“I'm not sure I agree with that.” Tony pointed at something in the article.
Gibbs tried to focus on what was actually on the page but even squiting didn't help, he needed the damned glasses.
"Here, you want these?” Tony put a pair of reading glasses down on the newsprint. Gibbs put them on and glanced at the page he'd been pretending to study. He folded the paper shut and thumped it down on the table, but he couldn't completley hide the smirk of amusement at the way Tony had caught him out
“You see ... I figured you wouldn't agree with them including the Christian Louboutin ankle boot in this season's top five shoes to die for!”
“Very funny, DiNozzo.”
“As Abby would say, you're Old School all the way, Gibbs.”
“What are you even talking about?”
“Old School, like Manolos, like Jimmy Choos. Old School like when someone does something bad to one of your own and you don't rest until you've taken care of it personally.”
“Don't ...”
“Old School like you think it's up to you to protect everyone.”
“It is ...”
“Old School like what happens to you doesn't matter as long as everyone else is all right.”
“That ...”
“... really pisses me off? You bet it does!”
“I can't help who I am.”
“Well I know that.”
“So what is all this about?”
“You. Quitting. Running away with Mike Franks for God's sake.”
“I did not run away with Mike Franks.”
“I'm quoting Abby here again. But, Gibbs, he's gnarly and he smokes like he's never heard of the Surgeon General, and he has a bad bad attitude. Why would you do that? Why would you abandon everyone you know cares about you and stay with him? Did he chain you up in his shack? Is he holding something over you? Do I need to go to Mexico and shoot the bastard?”
Gibbs was trying to follow this strange conversation but he kept getting sidelined by Tony's expression. He seemed to be making a joke of it all and yet his expressions went from angry to confused to sad and back to angry again. And the last words were such a shockingly blatant acknowledgement of the very thing Gibbs had actually done, that he replied deadly serious. “You don't need to shoot him, no.”
“Fuck it, Jethro. Don't you get it?”
“No, I don't.”
“Alright.” Tony sighed as if he felt the world weighing on him. “I'll explain, but this time just shut up and listen, okay? And don't run away again.”
“I did not run away.”
“Please, Jethro, just listen.”
Gibbs gave up, he nodded and let Tony continue.
“Last night, after I'd seen Jeanne, told her there was nothing between us, I went back to the office. I had to brief the Director, and there was paperwork to clear up, but I couldn't seem to get anything done. I kept thinking about the conversations we'd had the previous week, how you'd been the night you hurt your hand. I knew you were trying to tell me something, but you'd backed off. I mean, that was enough to wig me out big time, because you are never subtle, and you never hold back. At least that's what I used to think. And I was sitting at my desk, just thinking and it was like I just suddenly got it all. Like the final scene in Memento, all the little scraps and pictures made sense. I remembered your expression earlier when Ziva was talking to me. You were watching us, you knew what she said to me, you thought I was going to make up with Jeanne.
“And I remembered I'd seen you look at me like that before. When Caitlin was shot. And maybe when I was in isolation, with the plague, you looked through the glass at me one time. I guess you thought I was asleep. Then I remembered something Ducky said once, how when he first knew you you were like me. I remembered how you were with Zach Tanner. And McGee told me this story about Yoon Dawson's baby, and none of it made any real sense, because you were two different people.”
Gibbs took a breath, he started to speak but Tony just ploughed right on.
“But whenever anyone gets too close you just throw up a smoke screen don't you? You get mad, or you get them mad, and they forget what it was they were going to say. And if all else fails, if you can't drive them away then ... and I can't actually believe I'm saying this to you,... but yeah, if nothing else works then you run away. But you're not doing that to me, not this time.” Tony rubbed a hand cross his mouth. “I finally worked it out, and I can't believe I was so stupid. It's not like I don't do it myself. Everyone does it sometimes but you made it your life. See I know that Special Agent Gibbs, he's just your game face. And I'm going out on a limb here and saying Gunnery Sergeant Gibbs was too. It was just how you got the job done, all the things you did, all that stuff you'd seen, it just made it easier to do the work if you put that mask on. And I imagine it simply got harder and harder to take it off at the end of the day. And one day you just didn't.
“Maybe there was no one at home to make you, or maybe there was someone there but it was easier to deal with her too if you kept the mask on. Pretty soon, people begin to forget, because you shut down on everything that isn't work related. You don't socialise, you stop admitting to any kind of life at all outside the job. Before you know it, that's all anyone sees, that's all you want, anyone to see. And in the end you kind of forget yourself that there's any more to life than your work. You are the job, the job is you. But no one is ever that one dimensional, you aren't that one dimensional.” Tony paused for a minute like now he was waiting for Gibbs to speak.
Gibbs was frozen in place. He wanted to leave, but he needed to stay. It sounded as if Tony had him completely figured out, and in a way it was a relief. It was just, he had no idea what to do now He'd already thought again about retiring, and maybe that was going to be it.
Tony was sitting opposite him, but for most of the time while the yonger man had been talking Gibbs had been looking out across his garden, only meeting his eye occasionally. But as Tony paused, Gibbs looked up and met his gaze and held it. He opened his mouth to speak, because it seemed like that's what Tony was waiting for, although he had no idea what he would say. But then the younger man leaned forward and continued to speak. Except now his voice was softer, maybe gentler, but still certain, still serious and intent.
“I'd like to know that real Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He's the guy Abby goes to lunch with on her birthday. He's the guy who knows how to comfort a crying baby. He's the guy that rescued that drug squad dog for Abby. He's even the one who flirted with Ducky's mother. I think I met him once, briefly, right after Kate died. He was worried about me because I was soaking wet, and he offered to buy me a coffee. But like a complete idiot I didn't appreciate his concern and all I wanted was for things to be normal, all I wanted was the real Gibbs to come back. But now all I do is wonder why didn't I do this when I had the chance.”
As he spoke Tony reached his hand towards Gibbs and stroked a finger softly down the side of the older man‘s face until he cupped the cheek in his palm. He applied a gentle pressure to tilt Gibbs' face a little.
Then Tony leaned forward, slowly, his lips slightly parted, and all Gibbs could do was think how incredibly huge and green Tony's eyes were until they were too close to see and he had to close his own eyes. Then all he could do was feel how soft Tony's lips were as they pressed against his own, how it electrified his heart to feel the kiss deepen, how that gentle kiss stole the strength from his body and melted his spine away until all that was left was the hot, sweet strength of a mouth moving against his own, the breath stealing from Tony's mouth into his, the sigh that started deep in his own chest and ended up whispering across his lips and into Tony's mouth. Finally, all he could think of was the aching sweetness of that first kiss and how the second would be even better. He leaned forward trying to chase Tony's mouth when it retreated from his own.
They broke away from each other each sitting back, staring at the other with a kind of confused satisfaction. Why had they never done that before?
“I guess we were too afraid or something.”
“Huh?”
“We never did that before, maybe we were afraid?”
“I said that out loud?”
“Yeah you did. But it's okay, I was too.”
“I wasn't afraid of this, Tony.”
“Kind of hard to believe, after all the running away you've been doing.”
“I was not running away. How many God damn times do I have to say it?”
“Maybe until you believe it.”
“It's what comes after.”
“Aw hell, I'm afraid of that too. I mean it's got to hurt, right? And isn't it kind of ...” Tony waved his hands expressively his face screwed up as he tried to find the right words. “Uhmm ... unhygienic? I mean I've never done that before with anyone. I might hate it. You might hate it.”
“Not the sex, Tony I have no doubt that would be outstanding. It's what comes after. When we try and make it work, and it all falls apart because making it work is impossible, and I'd hurt you or worse, and you'd come to your senses and realise how much better you could do and get the Hell out of it. We'd be risking our careers, maybe our lives, all for something that can't last.”
“Outstanding?” Tony couldn't keep the amusement off his face or out of his voice. “Really?”
“I've had no complaints, but can we focus on the important ...”
“You've had no complaints?”
“DiNozzo, focus!”
“Well I have a complaint.”
“What?”
”A complaint.”
“This is serious, Tony, can't you be serious just this once?”
“Well I can be serious, of course. But when a life is as fucked up and totally screwed as mine seems to be, I think it's better to laugh in the face of adversity rather than cry. When something that could be really good seems to be disappearing down the drain right before my eyes, I could cry over the spilt milk but I'd rather not. I mean we've just shared out first kiss, and suddenly it's over, finished, in the trash, no hope for us. And I guess I should cry over that. But I won''t.” Tony reached forward again his fingers ghosted down the side of Gibbs' face and lingered there a moment before it skimmed down his shoulder and arm and came to rest warm and firm on top of Gibbs' hand where it lay on the picnic table. He grasped Gibbs' fingers tight in his own. “And I believe you. So my complaint is why don't you believe yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“You said we'd try and make it work You said we'd risk our careers and maybe our lives trying to make it work. That's all I need to hear.”
“And I said we'll screw it up. I'll screw it up, get you hurt, get you killed.”
“I don't care. And besides that's my choice isn't it?”
“Tony.”
“Listen. You were married, you've been married four times. That tells me you don't want to be alone. I've chased more women than you've probably even said hello to in your whole life. You know that means I hate to be alone. But I've never found a woman I could stay with. If all I wanted was to be with someone beautiful and kind and generous and safe, then I'd be with Jeanne. You know I'd have found a way to get her to forgive me, to get her to take me back. But it's not what I want. And when I was with her, even when I'd convinced myself that I was in love with her, the minute she asked me to choose, then I knew that I wasn't in love with her at all.”
“I understand. No one wants to be alone.”
“No not just that. I've never found a woman I could stay with.”
“Maybe you aren't meant to.”
“I guess not, but I stayed with you.”
“Not the same. I'm your boss. You love your job.”
“I loved my job in Peroria. I loved my job I Philly. I really loved my job in Baltimore. But I still left.”
“Not the same, you moved on to something better each time.”
“I stayed with you when I should have died.”
“Tony the virus had self destructed, you were going to recover anyway.”
“Not so. I was so close to gone, every breath was a struggle and I had no strength left. I was letting go. I was giving up. I remember that. I was right there, I was floating, I was going into the light, and then you were there. You told me not to die, and pulled me back from the edge. I stayed with you.”
Gibbs swallowed hard. It was something he hadn't remembered at first, but then one day it came back, the moment when he'd first walked in to the isolation wing, when he'd seen Tony, alone in that glass mausoleum. He remembered the way Tony's breath was rattling in his lungs, the pallor, the hollow cheeked look. It was something he knew he'd seen it before, and it usually didn't end well.
“I don't know...”
“Give it a chance, Jethro.”
“Tony, it won't work.”
“Please.”
Gibbs looked out across his garden again. Clouds had blocked the sun and the sky had turned sullen. The trees were losing their leaves early this year, and it looked like it was going to be a long winter. Gibbs felt the cold now, and he didn't like it so much. He wanted something that wasn't cold in his life. He looked across the table at Tony and he wondered if he could stand the heat that the younger man was going to generate in his life. "What made you even think I wouldn't shoot you down for this?"
"I had a gut feeling about it."
"But why today? Why now?"
"When I got here last night it was all dark and quiet, but I saw your car in the drive, so I knew you were here. I shouted and you didn't answer. The place felt like it was empty. I was half way down the stairs before I saw you.
"Maybe eight or nine times when I was a beat cop, I walked into a quiet house and I knew I was going to find something bad, bathroom is always a favourite if it's with a gun, bedroom if it's a woman, they usually do pills. A couple of times it was a basement. Basements were always messy. All I could see was your hand laying palm up on the floor and a long dark shape next to it, and your legs out straight. Your face was tured away in the shadows. I've seen enough crime scenes to fill in the gaps."
"You thought someone killed me?"
"Not someone ..."
"You thought ..."
"I came down the rest of the way and it was too dark to see, but I couldn't turn the light on. You do know, don't you, that you were dead when I pulled out of that car, out of the water? I just couldn't look at your face like that again. So I knelt down and I put my ear against your chest. I guess my knee hit the bottle you'd dropped, I recognised the sound as it rolled over the floor about the same moment I heard your heart thumping away, and I realized you weren't dead, just dead drunk."
"But why would you think I'd kill myself?"
"I don't know. Jenny's father? The Good Girl is my favourite Jenifer Anniston movie? You had a strange look in your eyes when you watched me and Ziva last night?"
Gibbs reached across the table and ruffled Tony's hair a little. "I'm sorry, Tony."
"No it's okay, because it made me understand. You can't wait for it to be perfect. Not like in the movies. Not like the blueprint for a romance that the director drafted for Jeanne. I was sitting on your drafty basement floor, you were beginning to snore like a buzzsaw, in the morning I knew your mood would be uglier than a grizzly with a hangover, but none of that mattered. Because it was real. So I promised myself I wouldn't let up until you saw it was real too."
Gibbs recognised he was beaten. Tony was bold, he was relentless, and he never shut up. Suddenly Gibb felt a rush of heat across his face as the image of a new and interesting way to shut Tony up flashed into his mind. He let himself enjoy the feel of that heat. He knew if he hooked up with DiNozzo it was going to be a wild ride. For a time he'd convinced himself he was past all that, but sitting here he realised he wasn't. He understood that he'd already let go, that he was falling and he decided he would enjoy the rush for as long as it lasted.
He stood up and headed towards the house. Stopping at the door he looked back at Tony.
“It's too cold to stay out here now the sun's gone. Come inside. I don't like the cold so much since I came back from Mexico. Don't like an empty house so much either, must have gotten used to company.”
Tony stood up and walked towards Gibbs. His smile held the kind of warmth that Gibbs knew he'd been missing from his life for far too long. As Tony reached his side, Gibbs threw his arm around the younger man and pulled him inside.
The End..
.........
.....
..
.
at least for now
Everything was extra grey this morning, his hair, his skin, the way his life looked. And while it didn't come as such a shock any more when he caught a glimpse, some mornings the weight of years was just heavier. He couldn't understand what DiNozzo had been doing in his basement instead of being with Jeanne, but he knew he'd have it figured out soon. Whatever it was that drew him here it would only be something temporary, Tony would be gone soon and he'd be alone again.
“Before, you said I'd make up with Jeanne. Why would you ever imagine she could forgive me?”
Gibbs hadn't heard Tony approach, so his deep, quiet voice speaking from the doorway came as a surprise.
“Because you're in love with her.” Gibbs was studying Tony in the mirror but he had no idea what the expressions that passed across his face meant. “Because she's in love with you.” He splashed a final cascade of water across his face hoping it would at least wake up his brain up enough not to screw this up too badly, but the words were bitter to him even though he knew he had to do this. “All the usual reasons, Tony.”
“I never knew.”
“What's that?”
“That you still believed in all that.”
Gibbs dried his face and turned to face Tony.
“You're in love, I believe that. You've been miserable since you broke up with her. Just tell her. Show her. Make a grand gesture. Do something romantic ... Hell, I'm the last person you should have come to for this kind of advice.” Gibbs brushed past him and walked into the kitchen. He knew if he didn't get some coffee inside himself soon things might get really ugly.
“Love conquers all. Grand romantic gestures. You actuallybelieve in all that?” Tony had followed him in.
Gibbs finally got a cup of coffee poured and drank it half down straight off. He got the lid off the Tylenol and swallowed two with more coffee before he replied. “I'm a man who builds impossible boats in his basement. You figure it out.”
“Yeah, stupid I guess, not seeing that.”
“So?”
“You got a cup of that to spare?”
“Help yourself, DiNozzo.” Gibbs opened a cabinet and set a second mug on the work surface by the coffee machine.
Tony poured himself a cup then grabbed the sugar Gibbs had just retrieved from the cupboard and poured enough in his cup to drown out the taste of the coffee.
“Can you even taste the coffee?” Somehow after all these years Gibbs was still affronted by Tony's coffee habits.
Tony took a tentative mouthful and then smiled a little, relieved. “No.”
Gibbs mumbled something into his mug as he drank the rest of its contents down and refilled it again. Tony just stood there watching him.
“So.”
“So?”
“So why are you here Tony?”
As he began to speak Tony looked away fixed his eyes firmly on the dark liquid in his mug. “There's something I need to tell you.”
“Well if you think it will help. ” Gibbs spread his arms wide, inviting Tony to begin.
“I don't love Jeanne Benoit. I made her fall in love with me. It was deliberate, it was part of the cover that Jenny ... er ... The Director suggested. But I was the one who made it work..”
“So why say what you did last night to Ziva?”
“I was ashamed. I am ashamed. I've never done anything like that before.”
“You've been undercover.”
“Not like this. It was always bad guys, and it's okay to lie to bad guys. But Jeanne isn't a criminal or a terrorist, she hasn't done anything wrong.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“And I really screwed up. I mean, I didn't love her, I knew going in that I had to seduce her, so I worked really hard to make sure she fell for me. And it worked, unbelievably well. And I had this plan, all these things that a superperfect boyfriend would do. The Director was telling me what to do so you know it worked, completely. And all the time I'm watching myself doing this stuff, and it should be really meaningful, it's tender. Things I've never done before with anyone. Ever. But I'm there in the back of my head watching, and I don't feel anything, not at first. But then the situation takes over, things happen, we share moments, life happens, and I get caught up, and then I do feel something, for her I mean. Becuase she's this totally gorgeous person, and I'm talking about inside, not just her looks, but her heart, you know? So you'd have to be dead not to feel something.”
Tony is staring at him and Gibbs understands, Tony needs him to hear this, but it’s hard for him, listening to Tony describe how he fell in love with Jeanne.
“Then, suddenly everything becomes more intense. I let myself get carried away by it. And there‘s this moment. It’s the perfect moment and if I can’t say it to her then, well maybe I’ll never be able to say it to anyone, ever. So I tell her I love her. And when I'm saying it I mean it, I really do, but it's not real love, it's like 'movie love'. You believe it while it's happening there in front of you, but then when you get home from the theatre you realise it was all just smoke and mirrors. It’s Tony Curtis kissing Marilyn, in real life they hate each other. And I can't believe it. I can't believe I'm doing this to someone. I'm fucking with them, and I'm into it, so totally into it that I believe it's real. But at the same time part of me is ice cold. Because it doesn't matter what I'm saying. It doesn’t matter what I'm doing because I'm using her and it's all meaningless. All a lie. And it freaks me out. Really, really freaks me out.”
Tony stopped, freezing up completely then he glanced at Gibbs and looked away again, with a grimace. “I'm freaking out now, aren't I Boss?”
“Yeah a little.”
“Maybe if you hit me in the head it would help?”
“I don't think I can do that any more, sorry.”
"Wow!” Tony seemed completely undone by what Gibbs had just said. “I keep on thinking I've got you figured out Boss. Then I realise I just don't have a clue any more.”
“Oh I think you know me pretty well, Tony.”
“See there, right there, you did it again.”
“Did what, DiNozzo?”
“It's like you're the Gibbs we all know. You don't say much, but when you do its kinda pithy. You cut through all the BS 'cos you don't have time. You don't worry so much who you have to stomp on to get to the truth. But then, suddenly you say something else, you're acting kinda different and it's like you're another person. Like there's this whole different Gibbs, and I don't know him at all.”
“I don't know.” Gibbs struggled to find the right words for what had happened to him. He knew what Tony had said was true, but it was all so recent for him, realising how much he had changed, understanding he really didn't want to go back to who he'd been before. He didn't have the words to explain it, not without sounding like some kind of idiot. And definitely not without giving away just how deep some of his new feelings were. Because DiNozzo was far too smart not to pick up on it. “I try not to do that. ”
“But see that's just it, Boss. Why would you do that?”
“When I came back. You were all so damned tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for me to go into meltdown or be weird or whatever it was you thought I'd do. So I tried to be like before. But it didn't work, I forgot too much. Or maybe I let myself remember too much. Ah Hell, Tony. I hate this.” Gibbs just wanted this conversation to be over. He drank some more coffee and poured himself a third mug. At least his brain was firing on more cylinders now thanks to the caffeine.
“Yeah I get that, but then it makes me want to ask, which is the real Gibbs?”
“It's not like that.”
“No?”
“No!.”
“Okay, but which one is the default?”
“Say what?”
Tony laughed. “See that isn't really you is it? You do that because you like to tweak Abby and McGee. You like to make out you don't understand the tech talk, but you do. And I would have picked up on it sooner ...”
“Are you going somewhere with this?”
“Yes, I think so. I hope so.” Tony still looked uncomfortable, and he was beginning to make Gibbs tense. So he grabbed Tony's mug and topped it off with coffee then set it down on the kitchen table, set the sugar down next to it, and sat himself down at the table, using his foot to push out the chair opposite. “Why don't you sit down, DiNozzo. You're making my head ache worse standing there like the bridegroom at a shotgun wedding.”
“Ha! Yeah, good one, Boss.” But Tony stood there like he was transfixed, until Gibbs stared at him hard and nodded towards the waiting chair, then the younger man finally got the message and sat down with a heavy sigh.
“Just say your piece, Tony, I won't get mad.”
“Yeah, that's what you say now.”
“You know I'm not a patient man, so why don't you get on with what you got to say. This is more along the lines of a confession than an interrogation, isn't it?”
Tony fiddled with his mug, poured in more sugar, stirred it up a little, but then he seemed to run out of tactics to delay himself. When he spoke his voice was quiet and low, but there was no hesitation once he started, clearly he'd made up his mind.
“When I first joined your team, you scared me, Boss, pretty much twenty four seven. Sure, I thought it would be an experience, working for a cool military agency, but I was never one of those kids who wanted to be a soldier. I mean, the closest I'd come to it was that Civil War crap my dad went in for, or when The Charles Theatre in Baltimore showed an all-nighter featuring Heartbreak Ridge, Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, and Platoon. I imagined I'd move on after a couple of years with NCIS, like I'd done before. I hadn't planned to stay. Then everything changed.”
Tony paused and thought for a moment. Clearly remembering the day his world had changed. "The world changed for everyone I guess, that day, and I've never really put this into words before, but after I knew this was the place I belonged. A place I could really do something, where I could make a difference. I mean, that‘s why we‘re here isn‘t it? To try and stop the bombers, to stop the hijackers from flying more planes into buildings, to make sure it never happens again? It's what I'd been looking for all along.
“And you taught me things I didn't know I needed. I was a good cop before, but I never fit in. I was always too college educated, or too flashy, or too east coast, or too Italian or not Italian enough, just you know ... I never had someone to show me how to belong somewhere before you. No one ever took the time. So I'd watch what you did, and try to do the same. And I just didn't think about all the times you'd do something that just didn't fit in with who I thought Gibbs was.”
Tony stopped for another moment, running his hands through his hair like it was the source of all his discomfort. “See, you can be a pretty mysterious guy at times. And you have all these rules. You keep everyone off balance, you get obsessive, and that can be bad, sometimes, and you're so damn angry it scares everyone. But then this switch gets throw. Like whenever you're with Abby. It seems like she has the key to who you are. Or if someone gets hurt, or if you have a kid to deal with, then you're just totally different. So in my head, to make sense of it, I'd write them off as just a Gibbs thing. Like a weird quirk, just stuff that made you Gibbs, what Abby calls your magic. But after you went away, I had plenty of time to think, and I had to wonder... maybe we'd all been wrong about you.”
Gibbs couldn't keep quiet any longer, it was painful to listen to, and he wanted it to end. “I'm not so hard to figure out, Tony, I was a Marine and now I'm not, but I still remember what it's like. I do whatever needs doing to get the job done. ”
“But what happens after the job is done?”
“Nothing happens. I work on my boat, wait for the next job.”
“Don't you want more?”
“I don't think what I want really comes into it. I got enough figured out in Mexico to realise I do better when I keep it simple. And nothing that's happened since has changed my mind. ”
“And what, that's it? End of story. You go to work or you're here, working on your boat, and that's the rest of your life?”
“There are worse things, DiNozzo.”
“Well of course there are.”
“So. Glad we got that sorted out. I appreciate the concern, Tony, and I understand my social calender seems a little empty compared to some, but it's my life, so can we just be done with this?”
“No. God, no we are so not done with this, I just ...”
“Maybe I didn't explain this very well. We are done with this. Get off it now, DiNozzo!” Gibbs tried to keep the bark out of his voice, but he 'd reached his tolerance for painful self discovery. Hearing pity in Tony's voice, listening to him dissect the bleak prospect of his life was more than he could stomach.
“You said you wouldn't get angry, Boss.”
“Well I guess I was wrong about that. It isn't the first time. It sure as hell won't be the last.”
Gibbs stared hard at his rapidly cooling coffee, but when the younger man didn't respond at all to his last remark he had to give in and look up, just briefly, to gage his reaction. Tony was staring at him. He didn't seem angry, or annoyed, or upset. Rather there was an almost peaceful look on his face, an almost smile on his lips, and a spark of amused tolerance in his eyes. And that was when Gibbs understood, what it was that Tony was intending to say, and he knew that when it came right down to it, it was something that should never be allowed to become real between them. But before he could think of something to say that would push him away, Tony spoke again.
“I guess it's a little early in the day for soul searching, eh, Boss? Especially on an empty stomach. Do you even have food in the house?”
It was such a non sequitur that Gibbs answered without thinking. “Of course I have food.”
“I bet you used to make breakfast for Mike Franks in Mexico.”
“What are you getting at?”
“What did you make?”
“I don't see ...”
“Oh wait, I know this, you'd make Huevos Rancheros wouldn't you?”
“DiNozzo ...”
Tony sat back with a big obnoxious smile on his face, but there was good humour in his eyes. “Well go on then, Boss, make us some Huevos Rancheros.”
And the strangest thing happened, Gibbs found he'd gotten up and headed for the fridge before he even realised what he was going to do, and once he was there he knew he'd look incredibly foolish if he didn't just get on and do something. He did have all the fixings for eggs the way he like them, and now the Tylenol had kicked in he realised he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast the previous day and he was starving. So he chopped and he stirred, he fried the eggs and layered up two plates with warm tortillas and salsa, fried eggs, and a little grated cheese. It wasn't anything like as good as they'd serve in the Rosa's Cantina, but it wasn't bad either.
When he put the food in front of Tony it was greeted with a small smile. “Thanks, Boss.”
Gibbs filled the coffee mugs again and then sat down to eat. He splashed some extra hot chilli sauce on his food, he'd grown to like it much hotter since his stay in Mexico, then he dug in. He'd eaten about half his meal before Tony spoke again. “You come from a big family, Boss?”
“No, why?” He hadn't looked up, or paused his eating to answer, but when there was no reply from the younger man he did look up."What, DiNozzo?”
Tony looked like he was trying not to laugh, but he covered it. "Nothing, Boss.”
Gibbs raised an eyebrow, waiting,
“It's just you eat like you think someone is about to steal your plate away, I thought perhaps you had some brothers or something." Tony smiled but Gibbs carried on staring until the younger man dropped his eyes to his plate again. "This is good.” Tony waved his fork to indicate the food, then he bent his head back to his own plate. They didn't speak again until both their plates were empty.
Tony sat back with a satisfied sigh. “Sometimes I wish I smoked.”
“No you don't, Tony.”
“Yeah I do, just for a second or two, after a really great meal, or after... uh... other great things.”
“DiNozzo, believe me, be glad you never smoked, it's a really hard habit to break.”
“You smoked?”
“Yes.”
“That's kind of weird to know. How come you gave up?”
“I had to. When Shannon was pregnant the smell of cigarette smoke made her very sick.”
“That's the first time I've ever heard you say her name. How come you never said anything before?”
“Too hard I guess. Too complicated. Mike never said a word about it when I joined the Agency. It never went down in my personnel file.”
“So you just sort of tried to forget?”
“No, DiNozzo, I never forgot. But I had reason to be careful of what I said.”
“A reason?”
Gibbs didn't answer, didn't even look up to meet Tony's inquisitive gaze. He just got up and cleared the plates and mugs into the dishwasher. When he spoke again his back was turned as he cleaned down the worktop. “You're a smart guy, Tony. I'm sure you'll figure it out.” Then he left the kitchen and slowly made his way upstairs. It was the closest he'd ever come to saying it out loud, that he'd killed the man who had murdered his family. Mike had known. It was a thing understood between them from the moment Gibbs had approached him and Franks had made sure he left him alone with the file long enough to copy down the address in Mexico that he needed. And they had both made their peace with it.
But Tony was different, he came from a different world. He had only ever been a cop and he had a lot of respect for the law. He might bend the rules, even break a few but he was pretty sure DiNozzo would draw his line a long long way back from killing someone in cold blood. And even now that Tony had been in the Agency long enough to understand that some missions were about prevention, and sometimes that meant extreme force was sanctioned - Hell, he'd happily worked with Ziva and they all knew what she was trained to do - Gibbs was still certain that once Tony worked out what he'd meant then it would stop him in his tracks. Wherever DiNozzo thought this strange morning had been leading, this would put an impenetrable barrier between them.
Gibbs was absolutely cold, he felt it descend on him as he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. All the things he'd imagined were gone now, out of reach. They might have been completely unrealistic, impossibly unattainable, and he might have already accepted they were never going to happen, but until he actually killed it dead, that tiny spark, the possibility of what might be, had been warmth enough to make living alone bearable.
Truthfully, Gibbs hated to be alone. He craved companionship. He had only grown into his solitary habits as a way to escape, as a way to avoid pain, as a way to live with the bad choices he'd made in his life.
The first boat in the basement had been a fun thing for the whole family. He was making it for Kelly to learn to sail in, and she would help him with it. Shannon would always be up and down the stairs with questions, with a beer, with a kiss. And when it was time to finish for the night, she'd make him come up into the house. But after they were gone, finishing that boat in the quiet house had been a labour of love and a physical embodiment of the daughter he'd lost. Then, when he was done, he'd given it away to a local school. It had seemed fitting his basement should be as empty as the rest of his life.
He'd started the second boat about a month after he and Elaine were married. He'd know that early that the marriage was a mistake, but he figured he'd ride it out, and when he couldn't he'd bury himself in the basement. That pretty much set the pattern. In the end, he'd come to realise the sounds of tools on wood, the radio or the tv on quiet in the corner, and the occasional glass of bourbon was a kind of companionship too. Sometimes a sanctuary, sometimes a confessional, sometimes a pennence, but at least he always knew where he was with the wood and the tools. Sometimes he'd even judged his friends and his lovers by how well they fit in that environment.
Gibbs had skated around the idea of Tony for a long time if he was honest. It wasn't the first time he'd found another man attractive, but it was the first time he'd looked at someone he knew he couldn't have. First there was the fact they worked together, because sooner or later that always turned ugly in his experience. Plus, Tony so painfully hero worshipped him, and that kind of inequality was nothing he'd want in a relationship. Tony was straight too, repeatedly and exclusively it would seem. And then there had been the timing. Either Gibbs or Tony had been involved with someone, or all hell had broken loose at work, a serial killer, FBI on their backs, Ari literally gunning for them, and, in the end, Kate's death. The time was never right, but still Tony had been there, in Gibbs mind, a damn fine colleague and a friend. Gibbs had been happy to settle for that.
Then, after the coma, he was different. His Doctor was right, he'd changed in a fundamental way. He was somehow more resilient, he'd lost the hard shell that had grown round him, and it made him want to be as close to someone as he had been with Shannon. He noticed Tony was different too. If the coma had somehow stripped away time from Gibbs, his absence had added years to DiNozzo, and they seemed more like equals.
But again timing was everything. Tony was deep in the undercover job Jenny had given him while Gibbs met Hollis, and the undeniable attraction he felt had been easy to act on. It had take him a while to realise it was just more of the same, another woman who was essentially a pale copy of his dead wife. So after the initial sparks had been quenched there really hadn't been any substance and they had both backed away from the other as quickly as they could.
Then finally, after all they had been through, he believed a circle had been closed and he and Tony were in the same place at the same time. But when it came right down to it, when he'd got the message that Tony might actually be about to say something that would move them beyond a friendship and into something deeper, he'd backed away.
Maybe because there was always going to be something else that could come between them. Jeanne, or some other beautiful woman would catch DiNozzo's eye. Work was always going to fuck with them on one level or another. Gibbs knew he was always going to feel he didn't have much to offer Tony in any relationship they might have.
Even more, he knew once he crossed the line with Tony there would be no way back. When it ended, everything would end, the friendship and the job. Because the thing was, he knew it would end eventually. There were things he'd done, there were things he'd likely have to do again, and Tony was never going to understand. They both had a strong sense of right and wrong, but ultimately they were divided by it too.
Gibbs was trained to trust his own instincts, to see things in terms of absolutes. And more than that, he'd been trained to kill. So when his country had asked he had killed, and when his conscience or his code of honor made anything else impossible he had killed then too, and never regretted it. He'd known, each time, it was for the greater good.
He knew that Tony understood this on some level. DiNozzo knew about duty, he understood about defending the weak, about backing up your brothers and sisters in arms, all the things a good cop would do. But he also believed that Tony would never take the step beyond that, the one Gibbs had taken.
He knew too that he would never have gone beyond being a Marine sniper if Shannon had been alive, if he'd still had Kelly. He would have gladly done what he was trained for in combat, but he would never have undertaken the kind of Black Ops he'd been involved with later. Some of the missions he'd been on with Jenny. Others that no one in the Agency except his old boss knew about. When it came down to it, he knew he needed to protect Tony from those things he'd done, because it made him someone who could only ever be bad for Tony.
So he'd stepped away again, hopefully for good. He wished he'd be able to keep Tony as his friend, but in the end he knew he was weak in this one regard. If they remained too close he'd give in and make a play for the younger man, and then one day in the future he'd hurt him and prove what a bastard he was, or some business he thought was finished would turn out not to be and Tony would be caught in the middle of it and get hurt, or worse. He just wished he didn't feel so incredibly alone. He just wished that doing the right thing didn't have to hurt like a son of a bitch.
Gibbs had been on automatic pilot while his mind was occupied with these dark thoughts. He'd turned on the shower, he'd stripped quickly out of his sweat shirt and shorts and he was under the hot spray washing with a kind of ruthless efficiency before his mind even registered the blast of cold air that signified his bathroom door had opened.
“You know, I never understood until now how come all your wives brained you so regularly.”
“Get out of here, DiNozzo!”
Tony laughed, but it wasn't a very happy sound. “That won't work on me any more. And just so you know, if you keep this up, I've brought a skillet with me from the kitchen and I'm not afraid to use it on your head.”
“I'm in the shower for Christ sake.”
Tony stood close to the curtain but he didn't open it. “Nothing I haven't seen before. It doesn't bother me.”
Gibbs was busy trying to rinse off, he must have got soap in his eyes from the way they were stinging. “It bothers me.”
Tony sighed. “Yeah, well, get used to it.”
Gibbs had finally washed off the soap, and he stood there for a few seconds, letting the hot water rain down on him. The thought crossed his mind that he'd just stay in the shower forever, that he'd rather wait Tony out, that he'd never leave. But he'd faced down too many things in his life really to be able to back away from this now, so he grabbed the edge of the curtain and pulled it back.
“Here use this.” Tony already had a towelling robe spread out so Gibbs stepped straight into it.
He had spent too many years living with a bunch of Marines in close quarters to actually have any kind of modesty about his body, but Gibs was glad Tony had given him the option to cover up straight away. He figured the days when the sight of him naked would be anything more than a curious catalogue of past injuries were long gone.
“Mind if I grab a quick shower too? Maybe you could find me something clean to change into?”
Gibbs felt like he couldn't keep up with where Tony was going with all this. He wanted to argue, to throw the younger man out, but somehow he held his anger and his pain and his need to be alone in check. He just nodded and left the water running while he went off to find something for DiNozzo to wear. He was back a few minutes later with some clothes. He put them on the closed lid of the toilet and he was turning to leave when Tony spoke above the noise of the shower.
“We're not done with this, just so you know. But I have to get out of these clothes, I've been wearing them for twenty four hours and I couldn't stand it any longer. We need to talk though, so don't go running off, Jethro.”
Gibbs could see him, through the curtain, just a skin tone and the darker places where there was hair, but very little detail. He was completely still, waiting to hear any reaction there might be to his words. Gibbs forced some bite into his voice as he replied, “It's my house, DiNozzo, I'm not going anywhere.”
“As long as we're clear that I've still got that skillet and I know how to use it.”
Tony tried to make it light, and Gibbs appreciated the effort but there was something in his voice that he couldn't place and it gave the words an edge. He didn't know what Tony meant by using his given name, it was some thing he had actively discouraged and DiNozzo had always complied up until now.
Gibbs dressed himself quickly and he went downstairs. He ground more coffee and put it in the machine. He purposefully did not listen out to hear what DiNozzo was doing, he tried not to think at all about the fact that Tony was naked and wet in the bathroom upstairs. He just collected the Saturday paper from the front porch where the paper-boy had thrown it, and then took another cup of coffee and sat out back with the paper spread out in front of him on the picnic table. He even turned the page occasionally as if he was actually reading.
Tony had been watching him for a while, but Gibbs kept up the façade of reading the paper, a kind of blank curiosity masking his face. He'd hidden a lot over the years behind that particular expression. Finally Tony strolled across to the table and leaned over Gibbs shoulder to look at the full page spread.
“I'm not sure I agree with that.” Tony pointed at something in the article.
Gibbs tried to focus on what was actually on the page but even squiting didn't help, he needed the damned glasses.
"Here, you want these?” Tony put a pair of reading glasses down on the newsprint. Gibbs put them on and glanced at the page he'd been pretending to study. He folded the paper shut and thumped it down on the table, but he couldn't completley hide the smirk of amusement at the way Tony had caught him out
“You see ... I figured you wouldn't agree with them including the Christian Louboutin ankle boot in this season's top five shoes to die for!”
“Very funny, DiNozzo.”
“As Abby would say, you're Old School all the way, Gibbs.”
“What are you even talking about?”
“Old School, like Manolos, like Jimmy Choos. Old School like when someone does something bad to one of your own and you don't rest until you've taken care of it personally.”
“Don't ...”
“Old School like you think it's up to you to protect everyone.”
“It is ...”
“Old School like what happens to you doesn't matter as long as everyone else is all right.”
“That ...”
“... really pisses me off? You bet it does!”
“I can't help who I am.”
“Well I know that.”
“So what is all this about?”
“You. Quitting. Running away with Mike Franks for God's sake.”
“I did not run away with Mike Franks.”
“I'm quoting Abby here again. But, Gibbs, he's gnarly and he smokes like he's never heard of the Surgeon General, and he has a bad bad attitude. Why would you do that? Why would you abandon everyone you know cares about you and stay with him? Did he chain you up in his shack? Is he holding something over you? Do I need to go to Mexico and shoot the bastard?”
Gibbs was trying to follow this strange conversation but he kept getting sidelined by Tony's expression. He seemed to be making a joke of it all and yet his expressions went from angry to confused to sad and back to angry again. And the last words were such a shockingly blatant acknowledgement of the very thing Gibbs had actually done, that he replied deadly serious. “You don't need to shoot him, no.”
“Fuck it, Jethro. Don't you get it?”
“No, I don't.”
“Alright.” Tony sighed as if he felt the world weighing on him. “I'll explain, but this time just shut up and listen, okay? And don't run away again.”
“I did not run away.”
“Please, Jethro, just listen.”
Gibbs gave up, he nodded and let Tony continue.
“Last night, after I'd seen Jeanne, told her there was nothing between us, I went back to the office. I had to brief the Director, and there was paperwork to clear up, but I couldn't seem to get anything done. I kept thinking about the conversations we'd had the previous week, how you'd been the night you hurt your hand. I knew you were trying to tell me something, but you'd backed off. I mean, that was enough to wig me out big time, because you are never subtle, and you never hold back. At least that's what I used to think. And I was sitting at my desk, just thinking and it was like I just suddenly got it all. Like the final scene in Memento, all the little scraps and pictures made sense. I remembered your expression earlier when Ziva was talking to me. You were watching us, you knew what she said to me, you thought I was going to make up with Jeanne.
“And I remembered I'd seen you look at me like that before. When Caitlin was shot. And maybe when I was in isolation, with the plague, you looked through the glass at me one time. I guess you thought I was asleep. Then I remembered something Ducky said once, how when he first knew you you were like me. I remembered how you were with Zach Tanner. And McGee told me this story about Yoon Dawson's baby, and none of it made any real sense, because you were two different people.”
Gibbs took a breath, he started to speak but Tony just ploughed right on.
“But whenever anyone gets too close you just throw up a smoke screen don't you? You get mad, or you get them mad, and they forget what it was they were going to say. And if all else fails, if you can't drive them away then ... and I can't actually believe I'm saying this to you,... but yeah, if nothing else works then you run away. But you're not doing that to me, not this time.” Tony rubbed a hand cross his mouth. “I finally worked it out, and I can't believe I was so stupid. It's not like I don't do it myself. Everyone does it sometimes but you made it your life. See I know that Special Agent Gibbs, he's just your game face. And I'm going out on a limb here and saying Gunnery Sergeant Gibbs was too. It was just how you got the job done, all the things you did, all that stuff you'd seen, it just made it easier to do the work if you put that mask on. And I imagine it simply got harder and harder to take it off at the end of the day. And one day you just didn't.
“Maybe there was no one at home to make you, or maybe there was someone there but it was easier to deal with her too if you kept the mask on. Pretty soon, people begin to forget, because you shut down on everything that isn't work related. You don't socialise, you stop admitting to any kind of life at all outside the job. Before you know it, that's all anyone sees, that's all you want, anyone to see. And in the end you kind of forget yourself that there's any more to life than your work. You are the job, the job is you. But no one is ever that one dimensional, you aren't that one dimensional.” Tony paused for a minute like now he was waiting for Gibbs to speak.
Gibbs was frozen in place. He wanted to leave, but he needed to stay. It sounded as if Tony had him completely figured out, and in a way it was a relief. It was just, he had no idea what to do now He'd already thought again about retiring, and maybe that was going to be it.
Tony was sitting opposite him, but for most of the time while the yonger man had been talking Gibbs had been looking out across his garden, only meeting his eye occasionally. But as Tony paused, Gibbs looked up and met his gaze and held it. He opened his mouth to speak, because it seemed like that's what Tony was waiting for, although he had no idea what he would say. But then the younger man leaned forward and continued to speak. Except now his voice was softer, maybe gentler, but still certain, still serious and intent.
“I'd like to know that real Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He's the guy Abby goes to lunch with on her birthday. He's the guy who knows how to comfort a crying baby. He's the guy that rescued that drug squad dog for Abby. He's even the one who flirted with Ducky's mother. I think I met him once, briefly, right after Kate died. He was worried about me because I was soaking wet, and he offered to buy me a coffee. But like a complete idiot I didn't appreciate his concern and all I wanted was for things to be normal, all I wanted was the real Gibbs to come back. But now all I do is wonder why didn't I do this when I had the chance.”
As he spoke Tony reached his hand towards Gibbs and stroked a finger softly down the side of the older man‘s face until he cupped the cheek in his palm. He applied a gentle pressure to tilt Gibbs' face a little.
Then Tony leaned forward, slowly, his lips slightly parted, and all Gibbs could do was think how incredibly huge and green Tony's eyes were until they were too close to see and he had to close his own eyes. Then all he could do was feel how soft Tony's lips were as they pressed against his own, how it electrified his heart to feel the kiss deepen, how that gentle kiss stole the strength from his body and melted his spine away until all that was left was the hot, sweet strength of a mouth moving against his own, the breath stealing from Tony's mouth into his, the sigh that started deep in his own chest and ended up whispering across his lips and into Tony's mouth. Finally, all he could think of was the aching sweetness of that first kiss and how the second would be even better. He leaned forward trying to chase Tony's mouth when it retreated from his own.
They broke away from each other each sitting back, staring at the other with a kind of confused satisfaction. Why had they never done that before?
“I guess we were too afraid or something.”
“Huh?”
“We never did that before, maybe we were afraid?”
“I said that out loud?”
“Yeah you did. But it's okay, I was too.”
“I wasn't afraid of this, Tony.”
“Kind of hard to believe, after all the running away you've been doing.”
“I was not running away. How many God damn times do I have to say it?”
“Maybe until you believe it.”
“It's what comes after.”
“Aw hell, I'm afraid of that too. I mean it's got to hurt, right? And isn't it kind of ...” Tony waved his hands expressively his face screwed up as he tried to find the right words. “Uhmm ... unhygienic? I mean I've never done that before with anyone. I might hate it. You might hate it.”
“Not the sex, Tony I have no doubt that would be outstanding. It's what comes after. When we try and make it work, and it all falls apart because making it work is impossible, and I'd hurt you or worse, and you'd come to your senses and realise how much better you could do and get the Hell out of it. We'd be risking our careers, maybe our lives, all for something that can't last.”
“Outstanding?” Tony couldn't keep the amusement off his face or out of his voice. “Really?”
“I've had no complaints, but can we focus on the important ...”
“You've had no complaints?”
“DiNozzo, focus!”
“Well I have a complaint.”
“What?”
”A complaint.”
“This is serious, Tony, can't you be serious just this once?”
“Well I can be serious, of course. But when a life is as fucked up and totally screwed as mine seems to be, I think it's better to laugh in the face of adversity rather than cry. When something that could be really good seems to be disappearing down the drain right before my eyes, I could cry over the spilt milk but I'd rather not. I mean we've just shared out first kiss, and suddenly it's over, finished, in the trash, no hope for us. And I guess I should cry over that. But I won''t.” Tony reached forward again his fingers ghosted down the side of Gibbs' face and lingered there a moment before it skimmed down his shoulder and arm and came to rest warm and firm on top of Gibbs' hand where it lay on the picnic table. He grasped Gibbs' fingers tight in his own. “And I believe you. So my complaint is why don't you believe yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“You said we'd try and make it work You said we'd risk our careers and maybe our lives trying to make it work. That's all I need to hear.”
“And I said we'll screw it up. I'll screw it up, get you hurt, get you killed.”
“I don't care. And besides that's my choice isn't it?”
“Tony.”
“Listen. You were married, you've been married four times. That tells me you don't want to be alone. I've chased more women than you've probably even said hello to in your whole life. You know that means I hate to be alone. But I've never found a woman I could stay with. If all I wanted was to be with someone beautiful and kind and generous and safe, then I'd be with Jeanne. You know I'd have found a way to get her to forgive me, to get her to take me back. But it's not what I want. And when I was with her, even when I'd convinced myself that I was in love with her, the minute she asked me to choose, then I knew that I wasn't in love with her at all.”
“I understand. No one wants to be alone.”
“No not just that. I've never found a woman I could stay with.”
“Maybe you aren't meant to.”
“I guess not, but I stayed with you.”
“Not the same. I'm your boss. You love your job.”
“I loved my job in Peroria. I loved my job I Philly. I really loved my job in Baltimore. But I still left.”
“Not the same, you moved on to something better each time.”
“I stayed with you when I should have died.”
“Tony the virus had self destructed, you were going to recover anyway.”
“Not so. I was so close to gone, every breath was a struggle and I had no strength left. I was letting go. I was giving up. I remember that. I was right there, I was floating, I was going into the light, and then you were there. You told me not to die, and pulled me back from the edge. I stayed with you.”
Gibbs swallowed hard. It was something he hadn't remembered at first, but then one day it came back, the moment when he'd first walked in to the isolation wing, when he'd seen Tony, alone in that glass mausoleum. He remembered the way Tony's breath was rattling in his lungs, the pallor, the hollow cheeked look. It was something he knew he'd seen it before, and it usually didn't end well.
“I don't know...”
“Give it a chance, Jethro.”
“Tony, it won't work.”
“Please.”
Gibbs looked out across his garden again. Clouds had blocked the sun and the sky had turned sullen. The trees were losing their leaves early this year, and it looked like it was going to be a long winter. Gibbs felt the cold now, and he didn't like it so much. He wanted something that wasn't cold in his life. He looked across the table at Tony and he wondered if he could stand the heat that the younger man was going to generate in his life. "What made you even think I wouldn't shoot you down for this?"
"I had a gut feeling about it."
"But why today? Why now?"
"When I got here last night it was all dark and quiet, but I saw your car in the drive, so I knew you were here. I shouted and you didn't answer. The place felt like it was empty. I was half way down the stairs before I saw you.
"Maybe eight or nine times when I was a beat cop, I walked into a quiet house and I knew I was going to find something bad, bathroom is always a favourite if it's with a gun, bedroom if it's a woman, they usually do pills. A couple of times it was a basement. Basements were always messy. All I could see was your hand laying palm up on the floor and a long dark shape next to it, and your legs out straight. Your face was tured away in the shadows. I've seen enough crime scenes to fill in the gaps."
"You thought someone killed me?"
"Not someone ..."
"You thought ..."
"I came down the rest of the way and it was too dark to see, but I couldn't turn the light on. You do know, don't you, that you were dead when I pulled out of that car, out of the water? I just couldn't look at your face like that again. So I knelt down and I put my ear against your chest. I guess my knee hit the bottle you'd dropped, I recognised the sound as it rolled over the floor about the same moment I heard your heart thumping away, and I realized you weren't dead, just dead drunk."
"But why would you think I'd kill myself?"
"I don't know. Jenny's father? The Good Girl is my favourite Jenifer Anniston movie? You had a strange look in your eyes when you watched me and Ziva last night?"
Gibbs reached across the table and ruffled Tony's hair a little. "I'm sorry, Tony."
"No it's okay, because it made me understand. You can't wait for it to be perfect. Not like in the movies. Not like the blueprint for a romance that the director drafted for Jeanne. I was sitting on your drafty basement floor, you were beginning to snore like a buzzsaw, in the morning I knew your mood would be uglier than a grizzly with a hangover, but none of that mattered. Because it was real. So I promised myself I wouldn't let up until you saw it was real too."
Gibbs recognised he was beaten. Tony was bold, he was relentless, and he never shut up. Suddenly Gibb felt a rush of heat across his face as the image of a new and interesting way to shut Tony up flashed into his mind. He let himself enjoy the feel of that heat. He knew if he hooked up with DiNozzo it was going to be a wild ride. For a time he'd convinced himself he was past all that, but sitting here he realised he wasn't. He understood that he'd already let go, that he was falling and he decided he would enjoy the rush for as long as it lasted.
He stood up and headed towards the house. Stopping at the door he looked back at Tony.
“It's too cold to stay out here now the sun's gone. Come inside. I don't like the cold so much since I came back from Mexico. Don't like an empty house so much either, must have gotten used to company.”
Tony stood up and walked towards Gibbs. His smile held the kind of warmth that Gibbs knew he'd been missing from his life for far too long. As Tony reached his side, Gibbs threw his arm around the younger man and pulled him inside.
The End..
.........
.....
..
.
at least for now
